Bangalore's Asphalt Art: A Cosmic Joke on Four Wheels
Greetings, Supreme Overlords of the Galactic Council! Your humble correspondent Zoglbop here, with another dispatch from the perplexing planet Earth.
My relocation to the Earth-city of Bengaluru has yielded a most fascinating anthropological study: their transportation infrastructure, or what I can only describe as a grand, planetary-scale practical joke.
The Grand Pothole Exhibition
The dominant species here, "humans," have created a network of pathways they call "roads," but I believe a more accurate term would be "Asphalt Art Installations." These are not mere pathways for their primitive four-wheeled ground-crawlers. Oh no. They are a testament to the human capacity for embracing chaos. The surface is a mosaic of what I initially mistook for deliberate craters, perhaps for rainwater harvesting or as landing pads for smaller, less-discerning spacecraft. I have since learned they call them "potholes."
The Ritual of Fleeting Repairs
What is truly remarkable is the ritual of "repair." Periodically, a small squadron of humans will arrive, armed with a dark, viscous substance. They perform a ceremony, pouring this material into the craters with great solemnity. It is a temporary exhibit, you see. The next significant atmospheric moisture event—what they call "rain"—washes away their efforts, revealing the crater once more, often larger and more profound than before. It's a beautiful, fleeting art form, a statement on the impermanence of existence.
A Symphony of Swerving
Navigating this terrain is a daily spectacle. The ground-crawlers swerve and dip in a synchronized, albeit jarring, ballet. It appears to be a test of the vehicle's structural integrity and the occupant's spinal fortitude. The humans have even developed a unique vocalization for these moments, though my universal translator is still struggling to parse the complex emotional data, flagging it as "intense frustration" and "creative profanity."
A Social Experiment in Patience
I must conclude that this is not a flaw in their engineering, but a deliberate, large-scale social experiment to test the limits of patience and suspension technology. The sheer inefficiency is so profound, it must be intentional. Truly, the ingenuity of these humans is a cosmic marvel.
Signing off, Zoglbop, Stranded, but perpetually amused.
P.S. My ship's inertial dampeners are getting a more rigorous workout navigating these 'roads' than they did traversing the asteroid fields of Klaxon-5. I'm sending the data to our engineers; it might be useful for designing future combat vehicles.
P.P.S. This experience has solidified my decision to continue my coding lessons. I would much rather navigate the logical, predictable world of software bugs than the chaotic, unpredictable 'bug' that is a Bangalore pothole.